Right I'm going to do this!
After having a dark, depressing weekend I've decided it's time to drag myself out of the doldrums. I can feel that if I don't stop now, pretty soon it will be much harder to put an end to the over-eating, drinking too much and general wallowing in misery.
So there! That's that! Drawn a line under it.
If only it were that easy eh? Well it's as easy or as difficult as you want to make it matey (just talking to myself there).
I've been lying awake pondering what I can do to lift myself out of the threatening black cloud of doom. First on the list is start caring. I don't know when it happened, but I definitely stopped caring about myself again and that's always the danger point. I tell myself it doesn't matter if you eat too much and start to put on weight. Who cares? I certainly don't. Then before I know it I've put on a stone, my clothes don't fit, I feel hideous and unloveable and everything else begins to unravel....
It's a cycle I've been in for so long now it's like an old friend who squats in my spare room. I know she's there all the time but for a large part of it I just ignore her. We rub along nicely together until she starts to take over, then everything goes to hell.
I got up this morning and got the Wii Fit out to check how much weight I've put on. The cheeky thing said 'Well if it isn't Alsy!" It's been 147 days since your last visit. I knew I'd fallen by the wayside but didn't realise it was that bad. Anyway the upshot is that I've put 1stone 1lb on since my last visit and am now officially obese again. In the summer I'd done quite well and managed to lose enough weight to become just 'overweight' which felt quite good.
Everything's relative I suppose ...
So anyway, this is me trying to master the lunatic in the spare room. I won't say 'again' because I want to feel like I'm doing this for the first time. I want to believe that I can master her for good and get my weight, depression, low self-esteem etc under control once and for all.
I've started off by putting some pasta on to boil for mine and cherub's packing up, I've also decided not to shovel half a ton of sugar on to my cornflakes.
It's a start eh? Wish me luck xxx
